It never fails that each day as I leave work at the 5 pm official dismissal, I am bombarded with waves goodbye from my co-workers. These waves never seem to cease until I acknowledge them, wave back and say something like “see you tomorrow” or “have a good night.” Even when I’m in my car, pulling out of our parking lot, the waves continue from car to car. Sometimes, holding up the traffic exiting the lot. Okay enough is enough. Why are we remaining so cordial and kind? We all know we just want to get the hell out of here and into our homes so that we can cry, get drunk, drugged, obsessively eat, gamble, exercise, or surf the web for porn. Anything to escape the soul-crushing reality that we have to do this all over again tomorrow.

So please, don’t hold up my time getting out of here. I’ll see you tomorrow so save your wave and please get out of my way.

Eating at your desk…

April 9, 2009

It never fails that every time I decide to eat lunch at my desk one of my coworkers will walk up to me and want to smell my lunch.  They usually approach with their noses leading the way and say, “Yum, that smells good. What is it?” while they lean over my food and invade my personal space.  I can’t understand the curiosity since what I’m eating is never interesting or even tasty for that matter. I usually eat Lean Cuisines or Healthy Choice lunches at my desk and we all know how delicious those are. But despite dining on pre-packaged frozen garbage, my coworkers can’t help but peak in my cube and breath in its microwaved aroma. And their curiosity only depresses me more because it conjures up memories of a simpler and skinnier time when I could go out for lunch and eat normal food like sandwiches, tacos and pizza without having to worry about the extra pounds and chins this type of food will cause. And their disturbance also forces me back to the work day reality that it’s only lunch time and that I’m stuck in my cube for another 5 long hours.

Maybe I'd rather just be fat.

Maybe I'd rather just be fat.

It’s Monday…I KNOW!

August 19, 2008

Why is it that every Monday morning office dwellers find it necessary to remind themselves and their fellow co-workers that YES, it is in fact Monday?

I think I counted four different people who came up to my cube today with varying methods of reminding me it was Monday…like I could forget. I always know when it’s Monday because each Monday directly follows my Sunday night ritual of hysterically crying until I wear myself out enough to fall asleep.

The first co-worker approached me today and said – Another Monday…ugh! – Thanks for the reminder Sally Sorrowpants!

The second co-worker walked by cube asking – How are you today? I of course gave my usual lie of fine and then in order to be seen as polite (and hide the fact that I could actually care less) I asked – how are you today? To which she responded, As good as I can  be for a Monday!

The 3rd co-worker walked up to me and announced…Monday’s suck. To which all I could think was DUH!

The 4th co-worker then decided it necessary to remind me that it was the worst day of the week by saying – I can’t believe it’s already Monday! ?! Okay, I get it already!

i think it’s time that all of us in the CUBE JUNGLE accept that YES, IT IS MONDAY and move on. Feel free to secretly loathe it all you want…I know I will, but please stop reminding me of a fact I know all to be too well – it’s Monday again. And there isn’t anything you can say to change that.

 

(use me…don’t abuse me)

As if it isn’t bad enough that I am forced to spend 8-9 hours a day in this cube jungle with all of you, I now have to wonder who leaves behind the butt resin on the restroom toilet seats. I realize that this sounds crude, but how would you like being the one to walk into a restroom stall and see it first hand?  

Why is it so hard for adults to pick up after themselves? I’m trying really hard not to judge here and not ask where this “resin” is coming from. Instead, I only ask that after you are finished with your “business,” you turn around, flush the toilet and make sure that you didn’t leave anything behind. It’s only fair to everyone else. This also goes for you lovely ladies who must enjoy peeing on the toilet seats and/or leaving your “business” un-flushed for everyone to see. Whether you’re acting out because you weren’t held enough as a child or are doing it for attention in hopes of receiving some kind of praise for a job well done, it needs to stop.  Outside of the K9 world, marking your territory is seen as just plain gross.

They say that men are dirtier than women, but the women I work with seem to be working really hard to catch up!

You can dirty-up your bathroom all you want at home, just please pick up after yourself in the restroom at work.

Are you serious!?!

July 9, 2008

I don’t think there’s anything more gross or rude than people that talk on their cell phones while sitting on the toilet in your work restroom, or any public restroom really. I can’t imagine what issue is so pressing that it can’t wait until you are out of the sanctuary of the bathroom. What happened to the bathroom being a place of relaxation? How can I relax when you’re in the stall next to me discussing “important” issues such as your friend’s recent pedicure…You just got your toes done!?! Aw, why didn’t you ask me to go?

And who really wants to be on the other end of a conversation with a soundtrack full of toilet flushing, pee sounds, and the occasional toot toot?  I was just in the work restroom today with a woman who, despite the ample amount of empty stalls, sat in the one right next to me and carried on a loud conversation about what she would bring to the BBQ this weekend. First of all it’s WEDNESDAY morning and second of all, NO ONE IN THERE CARES! Even my incessant flushing and angry coughs couldn’t make her shut up. Instead, she just spoke louder. These people are the same people that try to carry on a conversation with you when you are  locked in your stall. Don’t they know that it’s poor restroom etiquette to acknowledge another person and initiate a conversation once he or she is securely locked in his or her stall? The stalls are there to create a sense of anonymity and that can’t be done with you saying…Is that you in there??

And on that same note, don’t stand by the sink and talk to your co-workers…TAKE IT OUTSIDE! Some people are trying to concentrate in there and they can’t do it when you’re discussing your recent knee replacement or what a bitch Bonnie in AP is being today. I sometimes go to the bathroom to escape the constant chatter, questions, phone calls and emails so I would appreciate it if you would just keep the work restroom quiet! Haven’t you ever heard of text messaging?? If you are that in need of constant human interaction just send some texts!

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