It’s Monday…I KNOW!

August 19, 2008

Why is it that every Monday morning office dwellers find it necessary to remind themselves and their fellow co-workers that YES, it is in fact Monday?

I think I counted four different people who came up to my cube today with varying methods of reminding me it was Monday…like I could forget. I always know when it’s Monday because each Monday directly follows my Sunday night ritual of hysterically crying until I wear myself out enough to fall asleep.

The first co-worker approached me today and said – Another Monday…ugh! – Thanks for the reminder Sally Sorrowpants!

The second co-worker walked by cube asking – How are you today? I of course gave my usual lie of fine and then in order to be seen as polite (and hide the fact that I could actually care less) I asked – how are you today? To which she responded, As good as I can  be for a Monday!

The 3rd co-worker walked up to me and announced…Monday’s suck. To which all I could think was DUH!

The 4th co-worker then decided it necessary to remind me that it was the worst day of the week by saying – I can’t believe it’s already Monday! ?! Okay, I get it already!

i think it’s time that all of us in the CUBE JUNGLE accept that YES, IT IS MONDAY and move on. Feel free to secretly loathe it all you want…I know I will, but please stop reminding me of a fact I know all to be too well – it’s Monday again. And there isn’t anything you can say to change that.

Dear Annoying Co-Worker (You know who you are),
I realize that you REALLY, REALLY love your dog. I’ll even admit that your miniature pincher is somewhat cute, but I don’t care to hear about him EVERYDAY. Sure, I like animals too, but I definitely don’t need you updating me on personal pooch business like his diabetes, worms, or runny stool. Honestly, I’m not even sure what you want me to do with that kind of information. And I know it seems as though we have our own space in this cubicle jungle of ours, but really it’s just one big open room separated by pretend walls. I can hear all of your conversations and I think it’s unnecessary for you to ask your husband to put the telephone up to your dog’s ear so “Mommy can tell Pinchie she misses him” every afternoon. No offense, but gag me with a pooper scooper because hearing conversations like that makes it hard for me to swallow my Lean Cuisine Panini. Therefore, I am asking that you please stop immediately.
Now I know this won’t be easy for you and you’re scared that if you stop talking about your pooch 24/7, it will be like you don’t love him anymore, so let me help to ease your fears. I promise that even if you refrain from constantly talking about your dog while at work, your love for him will not fade. People in the office will still know that you’re a proud dog owner. It’s impossible for us to miss your devotion since you’ve wallpapered your cube in pictures of him, programmed a screen saver slide show of Pinchie’s greatest moments from the Spring of 2008 (which starts after every 30 seconds of inactivity) and put a large bumper sticker on the back of your Kia that reads, “Lord, help me be the person my dog thinks I am.” And then there’s your casual Friday attire. Everyone in the office is amazed at how many variations of t-shirts and sweatshirts you have with Pinchie’s face on them that read, “Proud to be – Pinchie’s Mommy!” All of these are direct indications that, YES, you love your dog VERY much.

Now all I’m asking is that you please show some restraint and respect for your fellow co-workers by knocking off the pooch talk while at work. Save the crazy dog-lady routine for those other nutjobs at doggy daycare.

Sincerely,

Your Co-Worker